“Do not ask your children to strive for extraordinary lives. Such striving may seem admirable, but it is a way of foolishness. Help them instead to find wonder and marvel of an ordinary life. Show them the joy of tasting tomatoes, apples and pears. Show them how to cry when pets and people die. Show them the instant pleasure in the touch of a hand, and make the ordinary come alive for them. The extraordinary will take care of itself.”
expert from The Parent’s Tao Te Ching by William Martin
this is philosophy of stepping back and letting go. something alien to the natural possessiveness of a mother’s instinct. but it’s important to remember and embrace this rule.
while Leo is only 10 months old, the question “What are you gonna do about the school?” pops up in conversations with friends and strangers quite often. it’s a stressful and poignant topic if you are an American parent, especially a New Yorker. and while I am still not ready to answer this question, I know that it’s not completely premature.
public school vs. private one? home schooling or traditional institutional education? complicated system of reviews, requirements and referrals. it’s a bit like a rocket science (did you ever check insideschools.org?) how crazy is that we need to start considering all these before our child learns to speak (or even walk). and while home schooling sounds as extreme to me as 2% acceptance rate at Hunter College elementary school, if I need to make a choice between the two, I would lean towards the first one as smth more logical. because there is no logic in 6yo competing with another 6yo, and being evaluated by grownups (?!) on how “gifted and talented” <??!) they are in comparison to each other.
and though I am still not quite ready to answer the question about schooling for Leonardo, I am ferociously reluctant to the idea of getting my son into the race of US education. being extremely competitive myself and knowing the side effects of it too well, I do not want him to compete, at least not yet. I want him to stay little and enjoy the childhood which should be all about play and laughter, about climbing the trees and chasing the frogs, about exploring and making mistakes, and being whoever you want to be without society telling you that you are wrong. these all will come inevitably later, but I wish I can postpone this moment for him as much as I can. that’s why my instincts are telling me to run away from big cities, closer to nature more kind and generous than here in concrete jungle of NY, away from the clashing egos of stressed out parents unsatisfied with their own 9-to-6 lives.
it’s kind of ironic. I keep on thinking how much my perspective of the world has changed since my son was born. I learnt to wake up with sunrise, and watch him grow, day by day. I learnt to slow down my own big-city pace, and enjoy little moments, be more humble, patient and realistic, more present in the moment. it is as if he was the one who taught me to “find wonder and marvel of an ordinary life”. now it is my turn.
2 Comments
As I was reading this I couldn’t believe that someone else poured down exactly my words and thinking. I agree 100% with your philosophy. Originally from Germany – where it was paramount to take Kindergarden / daycare kids outside, rain or shine (or snow) on a daily basis – it’s frustrating to see the American approach. Perhaps it’s only Brooklyn. Or our neighborhood? And the lack of green places that allow kids to roam freely around here…but we are increasingly taking our 3-year old out of daycare to play hooky whenever possible, so he can explore as much as there is to explore given city parameters. I am grateful for the abundance of cultural activities NYC has to offer, but am intuitively gravitating towards moving away to Colorado… or anywhere in nature and to build that little house on a prarie, because culture can be experienced later or in conjunction. But the freedom of nature and it’s textures, smells and the creative freedom it will instill in you is hard to come by later in life and will be experienced differently – once you’ve already been conditioned to see the world more conservatively – with limitations and do’s and don’ts. Everytime I watch movies depicting kids swinging into a lake surrounded by mountains or build boats out of sticks and stones I tear up because I so badly want to provide this for my little one. And you are right. Our perspective changes after a baby is born and my goal is to somehow “build” a structure that will allow this type of lifestyle – even if that means weekend trips up or down state for the time being. Love reading your articles!
Love “meeting” like-minded parents! While in NY, we are also looking west-coast direction with dreamy eyes and itchy feet.. Seeing my 2yo running wild and barefoot through the tall grass of my childhood when we visited my grandfather this summer made me even more convinced I want to live closer to nature. working on making it happen! Thank you for your support and encouragement!