some days I wake up and I don’t feel like a superwoman at all. neither I want to be a superwoman. what I want is to crawl back under the blanket and sleep all day. but I can’t – my day doesn’t belong to me anymore.
some days I feel like crying, even though there is no reason to cry, really. there ARE many reasons to smile and be happy. but some days it is just too much to handle, and I feel not only the enormous gratifying love of motherhood but also the weight of its responsibility, fears and insecurities.
some days I can’t handle the fact that after becoming a mother I pushed back on so many things, including myself. some days it’s scary to realize that it’s not temporary but forever, and I just need to find a way. or an excuse. or simply a little bit of time for myself.
so I step out for a coffee, I sit outside and people-watch, trying to focus on the moment and to think absolutely nothing. I go for much needed mani-pedi at a nail salon around the corner, and even splurge on 10min shoulder massage. I get into my car, I put music on, and I sit there crying – loud, uncontrollable, for no reason really, not even one.
some days we just need to press reset button. then I turn on ignition key and I drive back home to my beautiful 9 month old.
2 Comments
To me, you seem to be the most perfect mom in the world! It’s nice that you are revealing the fragile moments as well. And now I know I am not alone in these thoughts:)
oh gosh, i am definitely NOT the most perfect mom in the world! like most of us, i feel like i have no idea what i am doing, and i am just scared – what did i get myself into? whoah, it IS actually forever. motherhood is a point of no return. some days we feel ecstatic about it, but most of the days we (i?) just feel scared and unsure and tired. but! we (you) are definitely not alone in this *)
thank you for your comment, i feel vulnerable sharing moments like this, but without it my blog wouldn’t be honest and true to life.