dear Leonardo,
this will be officially my first birthday letter to you, and for the first time since I write these little notes I am humbled by the white page in front of me.
when I moved to United States in 2005 (10 years before you were born) my Mom, your grandma Nelya, started writing me letters for my own birthdays. every letter had a short episode from my childhood, as well as wishes for the year ahead. every letter made me cry and smile at the same time, and I still cherish these messages dearly, re-reading once in a while when I feel homesick or just a little blue. I hope one day my letters will also make you feel the same way.
as your very first Birthday was approaching I kept on remembering the time when you were still in my belly. just days before my own 35th Birthday I learnt that I am pregnant with you, and it was the best gift I could wish for. I remember how nervous I was to tell news to your Daddy. his blue eyes (the same color as yours) got filled with tears, he pulled me close, and kissed me like never before. since then every day was filled with so much unconditional and unexplainable joy. I could literally feel the love growing inside me, making me glow, and I couldn’t be happier.
I used to talk to you when you were under my heart, and I knew that you always listened. about a week before your birth we had one of those “conversations”. I encouraged you to be brave and gentle, and to help me to go through labor. I also asked you to come to this world on May 10th – your father and I did numerology calculations based on the numbers of your full name and perspective dates of birth, and May 10th of 2015 was just the perfect combination, giving us 5 as your ruling number, which stands for an adventurer, courageous, passionate, sympathetic, great traveller and free spirit.
I was not surprised when I felt strong contractions at 6am on May 9th. I knew your were coming, and I felt no fear – just excitement and incredible amount of energy. you came to this world 26 hours later, early morning of May 10th, just like I asked you to. the first thing you did when they laid you on my chest is clinging to the left breast (still your favorite!), hastily, insatiably but so confidently, almost matter-of-factly, as if you knew what you were doing. and indeed, it felt like we both knew what we were doing, and it was the most natural and immediate connection. I felt warm liquid happiness flowing straight from my heart into your little hungry mouth. and I wish both of us to stay connected like this always.
Happy birthday, my Leonardo!
Your mama, always
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